Before the Run
by Ebil Chameleon
Summary: Before Riku reunited with Sora in Twilight Town, he was on the shaky path of self-discovery. -Takes place before Truth- Riku/Sora -Pre-slash-
1. Chapter 1

**Well, this idea popped into my head and wouldn't go away ^^ This will be the tale of Riku and how he came to be in Twilight Town. Takes place before Truth and should probably only be a chapter or two (who knows, I'm the one writing…).**

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me :**

**Please enjoy and happy reading!**

**00oo00**

There it was again. That odd twinge and heated tingle that seeped through his chest and dripped down to his legs. He shook his head. No, no, it was something else. He did have lunch before gym period, maybe that was the problem. Heartburn or something.

But as his eyes caught sight at his changing classmates, the sensation continued again and again. He finally caught his eyes lingering too long on Tidus. How disturbing. But caught in the midst of puberty, Tidus was gaining some serious muscle from his constant blitzball practice sessions. Not that that mattered at all.

Riku looked down at his own chest. He was on the blitzball team as well. His chest was packing with muscle and his stomach was showing faint ripples of a developing six pack. But when he looked at himself, he didn't get that odd sensation. So weird.

00oo00

He had a date tonight. Some girl who had asked him out. What was her name; Mandy, Sandy, Candy? Maybe it was Linda. But the poor girl had been brave enough to step up to him after class and boldly ask him for a night out together. How could he deny such a courageous act? The poor thing had been shaking where she stood and after Riku had assessed her, he decided she wasn't half bad looking. She was rather pretty actually with chocolately shoulder length curls and emerald eyes hidden behind stylish glasses. He had shrugged nonchalantly when she finally stammered out the words and agreed to go out with her for a night.

He wasn't particularly interested but when he informed his mother of his date, she had been thrilled. His father was working and Riku hadn't decided whether he really wanted to tell his dad or not. The man would probably exude some subtle form of pride, offer up some money to ensure a successful date and maybe inquire about the girl. He should probably figure out what her name was.

00oo00

Destiny Islands was a pretty conservative little town and old time traditions were prominently implemented in all of the growing children. Riku couldn't help but follow the tradition as he stepped up to the girl's front door. He had mused the entire walk to her place what her name could be and had settled on what he thought was the answer. Hopefully she'd be the one to answer the door, but he'd have to work his charm if he screwed things up otherwise.

His misfortune laughed in his face when an older man, balding with overly large glasses opened the door. "May I help you?"

Riku did his best to straighten up and look interested. "I'm here for Cindy. We have a date tonight." This was the big moment now. He took a stab with the name and could only hope that if he was wrong he'd be able to charm his way with one annoyed father. The man eyed Riku over, obviously not impressed with his sleeveless black hoodie and baggie pants that were held up by his studded belt. He didn't mind. He was used to such looks from the other parents.

"Cindy, your date is here," the man called over his shoulder. Riku mentally relaxed. Good, he wouldn't have to receive the stink eye. "What's your name, son?"

Riku hated being referred to as 'son.' "Riku Kanjo, sir," he said. Old guys liked being called "sir" didn't they?

Cindy appeared in a flowing white skirt and a low cut green sweater that matched her eyes which were no longer covered by glasses and accented by a touch of mascara. Very pretty, Riku thought.

"Don't be mean, daddy. I'll be home later." She moved past her father and latched on Riku's arm, giggling like a child and pulling him away from her house toward the sidewalk. Riku didn't bother to look back to the girl's father. He would rather not get the look that blamed him for corrupting the man's sweet innocent daughter.

Could he even be blamed for that? He barely remembered the girl's name.

00oo00

At least Cindy was a blabber. She went on and on so he didn't have to say much. Where was the stuttering shy girl that looking like she was going to hurl her lunch when asking him out?

There was a small diner at the center of town. It was really the only hot spot in the small coastal town beside the movie theater. As the pair sat facing each other, Riku focused on a spot just barely over the girl's shoulder. The walls were painted by some artist and there were some pretty cool paintings of places around the island. Pictures of the school's sports teams crowded the walls. He was in a few of those.

"What about you?"

Damn. She got him.

"Sorry, the paintings caught my attention for a moment." He should get points for being honest and she looked like she was willing to forgive him.

"I asked if you've seen the new movie playing in the theater yet. Maybe we can go see it."

He didn't even know what was playing. Cindy leaned forward against the table, the perfect angle to see down her shirt. Perfect view, two round globes pushed together suggestively.

"Ah, no, I haven't."

He gulped.

He was fifteen. Puberty was working in him. He was hormonal.

Why did the sight of her chest do nothing to excite him?

00oo00

It was a total fluke, he thought, as he entered his house. It wasn't him, it was Cindy. She just didn't turn him on. She talked too much and despite her innocent portrayal, she had leaned into him far too much during the movie to be considered pure. It was her, she just didn't turn him on; she wasn't his type.

What the hell was his type?

"Oh, how was it sweetie?"

Riku stopped in the archway to the living room where his parents sat with some game show booming audience applause in the background. "Not bad," he said. "I don't think we really hit it off, though."

His mother sat with her legs tucked under her and a crossword book on her lap. She gave him a sympathetic smile. "Sorry, dear."

His father was relaxed in his recliner with some drink. "Wouldn't kiss you, would she?" He laughed while Riku's mother clucked her tongue.

Riku frowned. "Something like that." He couldn't image Cindy would have shut up long enough for a kiss anyways.

His mother then spoke up, "By the way, Sora called. He just wanted to talk, so you should call him tomorrow. It's late now."

Something spread through him at that moment when his best friend's name was mentioned. _That_. That tingly feeling in his chest came again. It was warm and odd but not unpleasant.

"Okay," he said and headed up the stairs to his room. What in the world was this feeling?

00oo00

Sora moved away four years ago. They had been next door neighbors and their parents had been good friends. Sora was there as far back as Riku could remember. He remembered when he started school. Sora and Roxas were a year younger and would start the following year. At home, he felt like the king of the mountain as he told the twins all about the work they had to do and how it was so hard and that it was too much for either of them to handle. But whenever he was in school, he remembered faintly how nervous he usually was with all the older kids around him.

But Sora and Roxas gobbled his stories up and he always like the attention they gave him. He got along with Sora especially well. There were more alike, with their interest in sports than Roxas who liked his crayons. But the three of them were quite tightly knit and it seemed that they spent every day out at their play island. They got on well enough with the other island children, but the three of them were just peas in a pod.

He remembered the day. It was early fall. He'd just turned eleven. Sora had burst into his room, his eyes overflowing with tears. "We're leaving!" he shouted and hugged Riku tight. "Dad said we're going away and you can't come with us!"

Their father had gotten a new job with a different construction company way out in Twilight Town. Four hours away. Light years to kids their age. Sora didn't go quietly. Roxas was very much like Riku in terms of how they got upset; both boys brooded silently to themselves.

It seemed like the twins were right there, a window across from his one night where they would sit in their open windowsills and laugh together and the next night, all Riku could do was stare at the moon and the closed window. Their room was dark. Empty.

Much like himself.

00oo00

They kept in contact. Sora called Riku at least once a week but he could clock in at five calls in two days if given the chance. Riku didn't have to dial the number too much since Sora was too impatient to wait for his best friend's number to show up. He took the liberty to place the call himself.

Their calls were usually the same. They would talk about their day and what was going on. Sometimes they would reminisce on old times or Sora would inquire about what was happening about the island. Riku hardly asked about Twilight Town. He did ask about Roxas a lot.

Seems Roxas latched onto some Hayner kid right away after their move. Riku knew this bothered Sora who hadn't made friends right away like his brother. It was odd; Sora was more sociable than Roxas. But it didn't take long and suddenly Sora was spouting on and on about…

"I'm going to Kairi's place for lunch this afternoon. Dad's off today, so we're all going. Roxas is bringing Hayner and the gang. Man, Riku, I wish you could be here. It's the best pizza I've ever had."

At first he had been relieved more than anything when Sora starting talking about the girl. Good, he had thought, now he doesn't have to mope about being all alone anymore. But over time he had easily gotten sick of hearing about the girl; Kairi likes this, she wants to go here, guess what Kairi and I did today? It was a bit infuriating and Riku starting cutting their phone time shorter and shorter.

"Sounds great. Maybe I can come up for a visit sometime and try it."

Sora probably wet himself hearing such a proposition. "Man, that would be so amazing! You'd love it here, Riku! It's so quiet and nice and everyone is really friendly and there's lots to do and places to see!"

Riku felt a knot form in his throat and swallowed it down. He was on his bed, head resting against his pillow and staring at his ceiling. Same ceiling. Same day.

"I can only imagine."

Seems Sora didn't miss the boring island life after all.

00oo00

Riku expected the same daily school routine on Monday. What he didn't expect was being knocked sideways by a large chest and a body wrapping around his arm.

"Morning, Riku!"

Ah, Cindy. They hadn't talked since their date and as far as he knew, they weren't dating. She apparently had other plans.

"Walk me to class, okay?"

She was a little forceful. But she was still nice.

00oo00

Guys were crude, Riku deduced. He knew he never talked like they did, though he didn't have the nicest thoughts all the time. He was sensible enough to keep everything to himself, at least.

"Was it any good?"

"Hells yeah, man. Just seeing her spread before me panting my name. Man, I got those warm tingles. She was screaming all night."

The group all laughed, bumped fists with the story teller. So not classy but…

Warm tingles, eh? He understood that feeling. But hearing the tale incited a whole new feeling inside of him.

Uncertainty. Worry.

He felt those warm tingles before. But not for any girl.

00oo00

It'd been weeks since Cindy decided they were supposedly dating and she was getting pushy. Riku knew he should have told her off, but having a girl on his arm made him feel a little better about himself, especially with his dawning revelation.

Now that he could understand why he didn't get that curious sensation whenever he looked at his supposed 'girlfriend,' he felt that need to keep her closer. No reason to suddenly break things off and give anyone reason to be suspicious. Cindy _was_ a good looking girl and rather sweet (in front of others) though she had a mouth to her. It was an easy relationship for him. He just had to take her out to places and act interested, give his two cents here and there and a smooch when she wanted it.

She wanted more though, even he could tell. But damn, it'd only been weeks and she was moving fast. He didn't come across as that kind of guy, did he? Of course not, his faked interest could only be believed to a point, right? Could she really think he wanted to do anything else with her?

You're a hormonal teenager, his mind reminded him. Damn, so much for trying to be normal.

00oo00

Riku yawned and finally put his book down onto the floor next to his bed. At least his reading for school was done. Most likely he'd be the only one in class who had actually completed the reading. He got comfortable and allowed his body to sink into the mattress.

"Oh, are you tired? You should sleep, we can talk tomorrow."

He'd nearly forgotten that he was on the phone with Sora. The device was hot against his ear, but after hours of the phone being there he lost notice to it. They hadn't really said a word to each other in nearly twenty minutes, but it was a common thing for them whenever a call was made at night. Riku had urged Sora to do his homework which the boy feebly protested, but when Riku claimed he was going to do his own work Sora conceded and they fell into an easy silence where each other's presence was all that was needed.

"It's fine, if you still wanna talk." Truthfully, Riku didn't want to get off the phone. He was feeling a bit lonely on the island without his best friend. He had begun to unknowingly stray away from the few somewhat friends he had. As he was trying to figure himself out, he was becoming increasingly paranoid that his potentially odd interests were obviously evident. So he was craving some time with his favorite person, even if they hadn't seen each other in years.

Riku heard the sounds of Sora moving around and the click of what might have been the light switch. "No, I think I'm gonna go to sleep."

Riku yawned again. "Fine. Night, Sora."

"Sweet dreams, Riku."

00oo00

Blitzball practice was rapidly becoming more and more uncomfortable. It was a full contact sport and not only that, playing in the water certainly wasn't helping.

He looked around at his sopping wet teammates, all of them in nothing but their swim trunks. He caught himself staring more than once and when Tidus had shouted his name and threw the ball to him, he had barely captured it with the tips of his fingers. He couldn't escape the harsh stare from the captain the entire session and forced himself to focus on the game.

He had rushed through a shower and changing and headed straight home. He was supposed to meet up with Cindy but he wasn't really in the mood. He'd have to call her and cancel their plans, make up some excuse. Not feeling well. Too much homework. Something would work.

How in the world was he supposed to go on if instead of staring at the developing girls around him he was staring at the developing boys. He couldn't possibly be…!

Breathe, Riku, he thought. This had to be some sort of phase. All teens had experimental urges at some point, his were just a bit out a whack. He had a supposed girlfriend, he was normal. But still, she did nothing to get him excited and it just made him nervous. Maybe…maybe if he pushed himself. Maybe if he _did_ do things with Cindy, his interest would shift to her and other girls.

It was all he could hope for.

00oo00

_Fuck, it was hot. A perfect mouth working to please him, soft lips melding against his flesh and a delicate tongue swirling perfectly. Yes, his mind hissed. The kind of release he needed. _

_His hips urged him to thrust into that hot mouth but he knew he needed to restrain himself. He'd never had anything like this done before but it felt amazing. He threw his head back, opened his mouth with an exhaled breath, noticed he was on his bed with soft blue sheets cool beneath his fingers. "Fuck!" The heat of an impending orgasm pooled. He was close. _

"_Does it feel good, Riku?"_

_His heart jolted from his chest as he heard that voice and looked down to see spiky brown hair and wide, ten-year-old blue eyes. Swollen little lips, and an eager expression on that face. It was over, he was done, and his hips jerked with the force of his orgasm._

He'd had morning wood when he'd woken up before. Normal teenager.

That however, had been his first wet dream. And when he noticed the sticky mess in his boxers and remembered just what he dreamt about, for the first time in his life, Riku was horrified to tears.

00oo00

Because not only did he have a wet dream about his best friend, he had a wet dream about his best male friend. And not only was it a wet dream about his best male friend, Sora had been his ten-year –old self. How sick could he possibly get? But that was the Sora he knew. He hadn't seen the kid in almost five years now, how was he supposed to know what a few years and a kick of testosterone did for him?

"Riku, you look pale. Are you getting sick?"

He did look rather ghostly when he glanced in the mirror before his shower. Reasonably so, right? He didn't even know what to say to his mother as he plopped himself at the table in the kitchen. His father looked at him over the newspaper.

"Well, do you think you should stay home for the day?" His mother normally placed breakfast directly onto his plate but opted to place the plate of banana pancakes on the table in front of him instead.

He mused over her words for a moment. A day to stay home and straighten himself out. No Cindy. No gym class. That sounded perfect. "Yeah," he said. "I think I will."

After breakfast his father left for work and his mother fluttered through the kitchen to clean up. He placed his dish in the sink and turned to leave. "Riku, is everything alright?" Damn mothers and their sixth sense.

"Sure mom," he shrugged casually.

The woman's aqua colored eyes looked her son over carefully. "You seem even more distant lately. I mean, I know you prefer to be by yourself, but you've stuck to being alone more than ever now."

He had generic excuses in stock. "I've just been trying to focus on school." Moms loved to hear that.

She turned the kitchen faucet on and soaped up the sponge. "Well, what about Cindy. How are things with her going?"

"Just fine," he offered. She'd have to call off her inquisition at some point. Thinking it was a good time to buy into an excuse already handed to him he said, "I'm going to sleep some more. My head hurts."

00oo00

They were alone at Cindy's house. He hadn't expected this when she invited him over. He had imagined her folks would have been home, but apparently they were invited out to dinner with some friends. "They'll be home late, so we'll have the house to ourselves." Major implication with her words. He knew what she wanted. Scandalous.

He wished that he wanted the same thing but quite frankly, he didn't even want to be here. But this was his chance, wasn't it? If he did this, then he could see if he could break away from this stupid phase and like a girl, like Cindy and feel like a normal guy. He had to try. He was willing as much as he was unwilling.

The girl was quick to slip herself into his lap. He didn't expect anything to happen right there on her couch. But she straddled him, cradling his face between her hands. Pretty eyes, silky hair, pink lips. Everything to love but he didn't get that excited trill. She kissed him like she had never kissed him before and he tensed for the slightest moment when he realized that she was taking over, made herself the one in charge. Wasn't that his job?

She seemed content in her place though, coaxed his tongue to play with her own. And it wasn't that Riku didn't like the taste of her mouth or the feel of her tongue. His hands wandered her torso, finally cupping her breasts. None of it did anything for him. But he had to try; he had to make some sort of effort.

If nothing, he mused, he could gain some sort of experience. So he pulled away from her lips, buried his face in her pale neck. She smelled like jasmine. He kissed her, nibbled her skin. She seemed to enjoy it. A good sign. He moved one hand to brush against her jaw, stroke her cheek with his thumb. Soft skin. Pretty skin. Maybe a little too pale.

Her hands moved to the bottom of her shirt, grasped the hem and lifted the cotton away. Red bra. Lace. She was expecting this.

This was every guy's normal wet dream. A girl like Cindy in their lap breathy and willing, large breasts cupped in a seductive bra. Fuck, fuck, fuck! He wasn't the least bit aroused. At this point, he'd think he has a serious problem but his wet dream had proven that wasn't the case. So what was it; him or Cindy?

And damn was she moving fast. She moved her hand down his chest, gripping the hem of his shirt and lifted it up over his stomach, his chest, where it stuck beneath his arms. He gripped his shirt and pulled it off and her green eyes looked hungrily at his developing muscles.

Her hands were greedy. Slipped over his lap, rubbed over him through his pants. Very fast. Nimble fingers, tricky fingers, worked on his belt buckle and he swallowed the nerves that sprouted up his throat. He kept swearing in his head. He wasn't even the least bit hard! Would she take that much notice, would she be upset? But wait a minute, what about Cindy? What kind of experience did she even have?

Enough, Riku noticed. She wasted no time pushing his pants and boxers down over his hips, exposing him to her eyes. She didn't even give him time to be embarrassed and her eyes gazed hungrily. His flaccid cock was like a challenge to her and she was ready to conquer.

The fact of the matter was that the stimulation felt good. The fact that there was a chick sucking him off wasn't so much excited as it was embarrassing. Was it that it was a girl, or that it was Cindy? The ultimate question. Regardless, blood rushed and he felt his arousal grow. He closed his eyes. He couldn't let this all go to hell, he couldn't let Cindy down. If he suddenly became too aware of her and what she was doing, what would happen then? What if he lost his arousal right when she was giving him head? He couldn't image she'd ever let him live it down.

He was too nervous. He was thinking too much. He felt the heat cool. Her hands were moving, stroking him a bit more, harder, faster. Almost frantic. She felt the cool as well. Her lips then, soft. Mouth. Hot. _Good. _He kept his eyes closed, stretched his head back, just focusing on the feel. It felt good. It was wet and hot and exactly like he remembered.

Fuck, don't remember that.

"Does it feel good, Riku?"

There, that line. His ears rung with a different voice, he thought of a head of spiked hair before him, pretty blue eyes closed in concentration. Hot mouth. Soft mouth. Sora's mouth.

He became instantly hard, too hard, too much, too fast. He couldn't utter a single word, a single sound, and he was coming, surrendering to the fire of his orgasm and shuttering as his insides exploded.

And when his senses returned, he found he had crashed into a pit of guilt and fear and couldn't bother to open his eyes. He was terrified. This meant something. He didn't like it. He didn't know what to do. But with this realization this unwanted epiphany that was ringing in his ears, all he wanted to do now was hide from the world.

"Riku? Are you okay?"

Oh. Cindy was still here. It was her house. He wanted to be home, in his bed, staring at his ceiling wishing it was the same ceiling but only yesterday where he didn't have to finally face the impending disaster that struck his life. Same ceiling. Different day.

But he'd have to roll with the punches now. And until he figured out exactly what he was to do, everything was to stay normal.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

00oo00

**Alright, part one is complete ^^ I honestly LOVE writing from Riku's POV. Getting inside his head is so great. **

**I seem to have adapted a different style for this. I like it though. It feels rough and choppy, much like how Riku must be feeling. Dazed and confused XD**

**Thanks for reading and drop off a comment in the much more convenient review box, please :3**


	2. Chapter 2

**This story has become a bit toxic to me and I almost didn't want to finish writing it…**

**Please enjoy and happy reading…**

00oo00

**Two and a half years later**

00oo00

Life is rough. It's like you're living under a giant glass dome where some head honcho is keeping you under constant watch. Your parents are the guards. Everyone else makes up the hoard of lab assistants that are to watch you and take notes. Judgment. Harsh reality.

And Riku felt like he'd been living under some stifling blanket the past two and half years where he was overly conscious of everything he did. He distanced himself. He left the blitzball team, claiming to want to put all of his efforts in his studies. The entire team called him crazy; he was top in their class. But some things were necessary when you have to hide the fact that you're ninety-nine percent sure you're ga- not normal.

He also broke things off with Cindy not long after his realization. He knew that staying with her would have been good for keeping up the image of normal straight guy, but he was just too uncomfortable. He knew the time was right when, possibly feeling unstoppable after giving him a successful blowjob, she made moves about wanting to go all the way. He barely got through foreplay, he was sure he wouldn't be able to get through sex.

And just like that, Riku became 'that guy' who preferred to eat outside on the grounds by himself and stick to being home or going down to the beach alone. He wasn't unfriendly, exactly; he just refused to show interest. And he honestly wasn't interested. He was too focused on keeping his secret that he couldn't worry or care about anything else.

Except, of course, for his best friend.

He could never abandon Sora.

00oo00

Yet his mother had been a bigger deal than anything. The worry was written all over her face. Of course, moms always knew when something was bothering their children. He just had to be a single child. Couldn't he have a sibling to distract her?

He was much more content to be around his father these days. They watched sports games together each night and talked little. It was perfect. If his father had any concerns about his loner tendencies, he didn't express them; in fact, Riku felt a little certain that his dad was enjoying their quiet time together. It was nice.

The problem was that his secret was slowly eating holes in him. It seemed to thrash about inside him some days and at times, when at the table eating dinner with his folks, it started to creep up his throat and stayed there, waiting for him to do the rest. It was like lead that refused to be swallowed; heavy and unpleasant and needing to come out. But his courage would waver without fail every time and his parents remained clueless.

Having an unshakable secret sucked. Going through high school with that secret sucked. Not having friends sucked. But he had to make it okay. There was nothing else he could do.

00oo00

Sitting at the beach at night was relaxing. The sound of the waves lapping at the sand while the stars twinkled at him made the entire world melt away. There was just him and that beautiful sky. The moon would listen to him, wouldn't it?

"I feel like it'd be easier if I told everyone. But if I was certain, then I'd have done it years ago."

Maybe the moon wasn't really listening, but he could always pretend that it was. No shame in that, right? He felt ashamed enough, in this tiny little town that would treat him like a devil child if he did let his secret slip. Tradition here dictated that you get a wife, build a family and lead the next generation. Anything else was simply an impossibility.

Coming to from his musings, he took notice that he wasn't alone. Soft laughter was coming from his right side. There were two figures walking side-by-side coming closer and closer. He wasn't used to seeing others on the beach this late at night. The moon was fairly bright, allowing him to take in some details. They were holding hands, both tall and slender. Both male.

Realization of what he was seeing slapped him in the face. The pair passed him without much notice, too interested in each other and with each step they took, Riku was feeling more and more alone.

This was his chance to finally get this secret out there. Complete stranger would be okay, right? They didn't seem to be locales (he was sure he could pick out every Destiny Island native easily) so it should be okay.

And before his courage was sapped away, he stood up and called, "Hey! Do you mind if I ask you something?"

00oo00

The second the words left his mouth, he felt like a spontaneous idiot. But his spontaneity proved to be a blessing and walking home, he felt immensely relived.

The couple had been nice. Riku was terrified that he had made a complete assumption but after awkwardly getting the question out, stammering over his words, he felt better when he found relaxed grins looked back at him.

The pair were on vacation. They attended university in Radiant Garden. Riku had been a bit shocked when hearing that. Actual city people. He hadn't met many. And they were quite open about themselves. "It seems things are a bit more conservative here," one of the two said. "We didn't realize that until a few not so friendly looks were sent our way. It's completely different back home."

Destiny Islands was behind on the times, Riku mused after listening about what else was out there. Apparently in Radiant Garden, same-sex couples were common enough and pretty well accepted. They had marriage rights there and from the sounds of it, they didn't have to smother their secrets.

He explained his situation in as little detail as possible. It felt so much better having finally confided in someone. "Maybe this isn't the place for you," he was told.

And maybe they were right, he thought.

But the fact of the matter was; he had no place else to go.

00oo00

He was seventeen. His birthday was in a few weeks. He was just starting his senior year and so far, it was going pretty well.

He felt ostracized, but he didn't mind.

Listening to all of the guys around him talk, he was realizing that he was pretty inexperienced in the sex department. He wanted to not care, but he had urges. He had no choice but to care for himself, though.

But the thought occurred to him that, should the opportunity ever arise, he didn't want to be totally clueless on what to do, what to expect or what would be expected of him.

Straight out of a movie. The internet. Google. He felt clichéd, but it was his only option. A few keystrokes, hit 'Enter.' Bam. It's like he walked into an odd dimension filled with people's sex lives and porn. There was enough information to keep him busy for hours.

So much he didn't know. He had the basic concepts. He knew about sex and gay sex was, in a way, similar, right? But there just seemed so much more and there were precautions and not everyone liked this and could he ever, really, be the bottom?

Head spinning, heart racing. He was almost tempted to click on one of the porn sites but couldn't muster the courage. Enough for one day. Delete the browser history (never know if your parents snoop, right?).

Well that was all fine and dandy. Was he turned off from the idea of gay sex? No. Would he like to try? Sure.

But there was no way that could happen in this little gossiping town.

00oo00

He was eighteen today. He didn't feel different. It wasn't a different day. Saturday birthdays are perfect to spend with friends out in town or at the beach. Riku stayed upstairs in his room, lounging on his bed with a book. He liked to read, so this could be a good birthday after all.

"Riku?" His mother, coming up the stairs. He was even more on edge with her lately and every time she approached his heart raced with anxiety. "You got a letter. From Sora and Roxas."

He sat up rather quickly and his book fell from his hands. He hadn't gotten a letter from them before. He always just talked to Sora on the phone.

His mother eyed him and handed him a white envelope that was sealed with a smiley face sticker. Typical Sora. As he opened the envelope he felt his mother's eyes studying him. His actions slowed and he looked up at her carefully.

She obvious read his questioning face. "You don't have any plans, sweetie? It's your eighteenth birthday, this is the big one. You could go out with some friends; you know your father and I wouldn't mind."

He hated that she sounded sad. He hated that he had to lie. "I've had a headache since I woke up so I figured I'd just rest at home. I'll see everyone in school, I'm sure I'll be harassed about my birthday there." Unlikely, he thought, but she didn't need to know that. He finished opening the envelope and felt his mother peering over his shoulder to see what was inside.

The hand drawn birthday card was better than anything from the store. The difference between Roxas' work and Sora's was evident; Roxas had always enjoyed art. But the brightly colored "Happy Birthday!" on the front made him feel so sad at that very moment. And when he opened the card and the recently snapped picture of the twins smiling fell out, he wanted to curl up and sulk.

00oo00

He didn't know what it was like to be in love. He had never fallen in love with anyone.

When he saw the picture in the card, his eyes immediately went to Sora and those beautiful blue eyes and his heart jumped into his throat, his voice was caught, his eyes were eagerly looking over every feature, every change, and his lungs felt squished and hurt like he was talking too much and running out of air…ai…a-

"Look how much they've grown," his mother said and he was startled back into reality and everything right at that moment got so much harder because he was afraid of what this feeling could mean.

Love, huh? What a weird sensation.

00oo00

He felt like their conversations were more private on his new cell phone. A birthday gift from his parents. His father joked that the home phone was holding up a white flag lately due to Riku's excessive use during his conversations with Sora.

"Now we can text each other too!" Sora was excited. More access to his best friend. Sora and Roxas have had their phones for a while now. Twilight Town was a bigger place than Destiny Islands, so their parents had encouraged an easy way to stay in touch.

He didn't have to worry about needing to get off the phone when it was late at night nor did he have to worry about getting off if his mother needed to place a call. He could be down at the beach at night as he liked to be and now, Sora could go with him and it was like he was right there beside him in the sand.

"Oh, guess what?" Sora spoke rather excitedly. Riku amused his friend, asking a drawn out "Whaaat?" with a smile on his face. The night wasn't as clear with thin clouds drifting lazily before the stars.

"It's Roxas! I was going to ask if I could borrow one of his shirts and I walked into his room to find him and some other guy like, going at it. I can't believe he never told me he likes boys!"

"Wow," slipped past his lips. Little Roxas. Gay. Like him. The scent of the sea salt seemed to choke him suddenly, or maybe it was possibilities this opened. If it were true with Roxas, then what about-?

"I know, right? But hey, whatever makes him happy. I just wish he would have told me."

But Riku understood how Roxas felt. And sitting here by the rippling water and the not-so-cloudless sky, Riku knew he couldn't tell Sora either.

00oo00

But as the weeks went by and he stared at that picture of Sora and Roxas and everything about him was solidified, he knew he had to do something.

He'd have to start slow and with the safest person possible.

"Mom?" It was a quiet evening. His father was staying overtime at work and this was his best chance. He hadn't been able to speak up during dinner and even after he had offered to wash the dishes he was thinking about calling his plan off and suffering with his secret until he died. But this moment of spiked courage couldn't be sacrificed and he knew it had to happen. So as the pair sat in the living room with a family sitcom to ease the silence, he had finally found his voice and spoke that one word that would change everything.

"Hmm?" She looked over at her son. He wasn't looking at her and he wasn't sure if he'd be able to through this entire conversation. And as she waited, patiently, he tried to find the voice that was suddenly slipping away. He could feel her eyes and for some reason, he had a good hunch that she was expecting him to finally spill everything that had driven him into seclusion. "Riku?"

With a sigh, he ran his hands over his face, surprised to find them clammy. He felt hotter; of course he would, his pulse was ridiculously out of control at the moment. Racing through his head were the words he wanted to say and his throat felt odd, like the words were truly sitting there behind a barrier of fear that wouldn't let them through. _'Just do it, just do it, just do it!'_

But he couldn't and he switching the position he was sitting in, bringing his legs up onto the couch. His hands brushed over his bare calves, up to his knees and back down to his ankles. He swallowed once, then again. Her stare was burning and he was thankful that she was waiting for him instead of pushing.

And from somewhere came a burst of willpower and the words suddenly came tumbling out, "I'm gay."

00oo00

Now, he wasn't expecting her to smile proudly at him and open her arms acceptingly. Her face quickly became a hard mask too indiscernible to read. As much as he wanted her to say something, he silently begged for her to keep her mouth shut. He had glanced at her face for less than a second before turning his eyes to the floor. He felt like he reverted to being four-years-old and was waiting to be scolded for using an entire tube of toothpaste for wall paint.

Tick-tock, tick-tock said the clock. Audience laughter on the television. Suffocating tension and two hearts beating so crazily out of control yet in perfect sync.

Racing thoughts, dry throat. Questions, questions, questions.

Silence.

"How long?"

That was her question and Riku felt that he could breathe a tiny sigh of relief that she wasn't screaming at him. He couldn't muster telling her just how long. "A while," he said. Vague, interpretable.

And like that, it was over. She said no more and after nearly fifteen minutes, he felt that no more discussion was going to take place. So he picked up his trembling self and ambled to the stairs. Looking around, everything seemed to be surreal. His house was still his house. Everything was the same. Nothing was truly different; he certainly wasn't different.

It was just the fact that someone actually _knew_ now.

But, the world didn't explode? He wasn't lying face down on the floor with ringing ears waiting for hell to swallow him whole.

No, he was now lying on his back, on his bed, staring up at that same ceiling. Would it look different tomorrow?

00oo00

The next week brought an uncomfortable feel in the house. Riku was disappointed to find his mother acting differently. Very slightly so, but different none-the-less. Her eyes would drift away from him when she spoke and she didn't seem keen on hanging around the same room as him for too long. While he ate breakfast she moved away to the laundry room. When he joined his parents for evening television, she was suddenly very tired and went to bed.

He knew he was the problem and that struck a sad chord within him. Days after his confession he found himself avoiding his own home. He stuck to being down at the beach where he made friends with the lazy clouds. Always in his hand was his cellphone which he would frequently check. He didn't have it in him to text Sora but he was forever waiting for a message to be sent to him.

00oo00

Finally one night she found her voice. "I'm sorry."

He was in the entrance way, having just come home from his usual spot in the sand. Her voice startled him, not just because he wasn't expecting it but also because of how sincere it sounded. He looked directly into the aqua-eyes that mirrored his own in color. Surprised she was looking directly at him. Surprised to find the fear that shone brightly. It made him swallow nervously. He didn't speak, but she seemed willing to finally admit to why she had been avoiding him.

"Your father is working late again, so we should talk." And there she went, walking away from him. She was probably expecting him to follow her and Riku fulfilled her expectations. Just like the night he confessed, they sat themselves in the living room. Only this time the tension seemed to emit from both of them and heavy air was pushing at both their chests.

His mother seemed to finally lose her nerve and was unable to look at him. "You're my son," she said quietly to the coffee table. Riku's eyes were pointed straight at his mother's face which suddenly looked extremely worn out and stressed. Her hands rubbed together and her eyes shifted about as though she'd find the needed words she was grasping for written out on the floor. "I love you Riku, and I know as a mother I have to support you with any decision you make."

Something inside of him wanted to scream that he didn't wake up one day and decide that he wanted to be gay. It wasn't a choice, it just was. His lips remained closed in a tight frown.

"This is just so much to take in, though. But I can't get upset with you. And I may not like your decision and I may not fully support it but I won't stop you from doing what you want."

Despite the softness of her words, Riku felt each word stabbing at him and filling him with subtle venom. She was upset and she wasn't admitting to it. She didn't want him to be gay, nor did she support it. So what, then? She said he was her son, but what did that really mean?

He thought he should apologize then, but he couldn't figure out what to apologize for. He couldn't even think of what to say. Her words were too hard to swallow. So he stood up and walked from the room.

"Where are you going?" she called after him. A sense of relief quickly filled him when he realized his mother got up to go after him. She was still showing that she cared.

"Out," he replied. He was at the front door, hand on the doorknob and ready to leave the house. "I just need to be alone." The knob turned in his hand and the door opened. Before him stood his father.

"Oh. Going out, Riku?"

It was already late; nearly eight and the sun was ready to set. But he couldn't be in his house, smothered by his mother's worries and piercing looks. And there was a new obstacle now, one that was standing before him with an expectant look. "Just for a walk," he replied. His father stepped inside.

"Don't be out too late. Unless you have a date," his father joked with a chuckle. With a wink he added, "Then you can stay out however long you need to."

Riku said nothing as he hurried out the door.

00oo00

It was cold down on the beach. He'd been down there since he had hastily escaped his house that night. It was morning now and he'd been awake the entire time, watching the stars and basking in the rhythmic motion of the waves. And he thought. About what was happening to him now and what he needed to do.

His mother was step one. He had believed that telling someone he trusted enough to not freak out would lift the burden he was carrying. But he felt no relief now and almost felt a bit guilty about giving his mother this new burden which she seemed to be struggling to carry.

It was odd, how she apologized for avoiding him then moving on to tell him that she didn't exactly accept his sexuality. Was she on his side, or not? He liked to believe that she was. He needed to believe that he had someone to lean on. Perhaps his mother didn't want him to be gay, but she didn't seem like she'd abandon him.

His father was the new challenge. Surely the man would pick up that something had happened. Riku was certain that he and his mother wouldn't be completely normal toward each other anymore. If anything, Riku's confession ostracized him from one of the last sanctuaries he had.

He had to prepare himself. He knew his father wouldn't take the news well, but he couldn't go on pretending anymore. Two and half years was far too long of a time to lie to your parents. It was too long to keep on suffering. His father had to be somewhat understanding, right? Even he should be able to see that he had been suffering these past years. Finally knowing why should spur some kind of sympathy within him, shouldn't it?

Riku sighed and looked down at his cell phone. It was after three in the morning.

Sympathy from his dad?

Doubtful.

00oo00

The next evening at dinner the family trio was seated around the table. No one spoke; only the sound of clattering silverware on plates was heard. Riku bushed his pineapple salsa around his plate. The same nervousness that he experienced when working up to tell his mother was choking him now. Only his nerves were at least a hundred times worse. His mother kept shooting him looks, as though silently urging him to speak up. The message was clear; _your father needs to be told and I refuse to do it._

Riku drained his entire glass of water and clenched his fists beneath the table. He felt like smashing his head down onto the hard wooden surface multiple times rather than telling his father he was gay.

He avoided his mother's burning looks, continued to push his food around and begged himself to force the words out. They sat heavy on his tongue, too heavy to push past his lips. Several times the words were nearly out but his fear gripped him and he swallowed them back down.

By the end of dinner he had unsuccessfully finished his meal and successfully qualified as a coward.

00oo00

And his cowardice won him over for another week.

Sora had been texting him when he finally sent the message he'd been dying to get an answer to.

_Did Roxas tell your parents about him liking guys?_

His curiosity was killing him. He just needed to know. Sora responded after a few minutes and the answer sparked the courage within him that he was missing a week ago.

_Yeah, they were totally cool with it. Mom kind of suspected already so she was happy when he finally told them. Dad's happy too._

So he thought to himself that if Sora and Roxas' parents could be okay with it, why couldn't his own parents? The twins' parents grew up on the island with its strict traditions. If they could ignore the conservative ways of the island, why couldn't his parents?

And his courageous thoughts led him to finally getting the words out to his father one evening as the pair sat about watching sports like it was any other night.

His father was seated, frozen in his recliner. "What did you just say?"

Suddenly Riku was extremely fearful. His father's tone of voice was dangerous. But he'd come this far; he had accepted that this probably wouldn't go well. He couldn't keep living this lie! But after chancing a look at his father's rapidly reddening face and the way he gripped the television remote with white knuckled suddenly made him think that lying was far better than facing his father's wrath.

But a sudden resolve washed over him and it hit him that he had come this far and that he couldn't turn back. If his father couldn't accept him, then it was best that it be made clear. This was band-aid best ripped clean off. "I said I'm gay," he repeated. The blood rushing through him made his ears pound.

"No," his father said firmly. His eyes were still pointed to the TV but were out of focus. "You're lying to me, and it isn't funny. I would never raise a faggot for a son. Never." And his eyes suddenly shifted, targeting Riku. "You better take those words back right now, boy."

The words slammed him right in the chest and all air from his lungs had been expelled and his brain was so frozen in shock he couldn't remember how to inhale. But reality shifted in and though time was frozen things kept moving and his dad was shifted in his chair, moving to the edge and for a split second Riku truly believed his father was going to get out of that chair and beat the gayness out of him.

"I'm not lying. I'm gay and I can't change that."

And it was evident that his father believed that he could and would change that fact. But after suffering for so long, Riku knew that it had to come out at some point. So it did and he had to deal with it now; the consequences of reality.

"Oh no, boy. Not in this house. I refuse to have any of that here. What will everyone think, huh? What will you do? No one worth anything in this town will have anything to do with someone like that. Respect, you're throwing it away! And for what? For a lie!" He was like a steam engine that was finally on a roll and his red face was charging forth with raging fury. "I won't have it in this house!"

"But dad-!"

"Don't you call me that! If you swear you aren't lying about this, then get out! OUT!"

But his bones turned to ice and his muscles went into a rigor mortis state and he couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't believe. In a matter of less than five minutes he went from being a decent son to being the scum of the earth. His dad wasn't serious, was he? He wasn't really kicking him out was he? His voice box was a cracking, shattering mess and he was only able to open his mouth in disbelief. He hadn't thought it would go like this. Even if his father disapproved, he didn't think the man would actually tell him to leave.

"I said to get out!" And up his father went, throwing himself from the chair and stomping his way through the house, each footstep like an earthquake that threatened to demolish their family. Sitting there on the couch he heard the quakes ascending the stairs and his mother shouting after his dad, trying desperately to reason with him. Then after the clock was broken by settling reality and time flowed once more, Riku finally jumped up from the couch and ran up the stairs. His dad was throwing things around his room, mindlessly shoving items into his bag. And finally everything, every emotion within him burst forth.

"I'll do it! I'll pack everything and leave! If it'll make everything okay."

His mother and father stood arguing in his room as he rushed about in an effort to get everything he absolutely needed. He had a more than decent stash of cash that he could actually thank his dad for. Years of birthday and holiday money stowed away for safe keeping. _'Best to build a supply. You never know when you'll need it,' _his father had said years ago. How right he was proving to be.

His parents moved their arguing out of his room. Riku was quick to pack, hands shaking and legs threatening to give out. His stomach wasn't right and he was only thinking of the here and now and he was thinking that right now he had to get out of here.

And with his backpack and duffle bag brimming and ready to burst open he stormed from his room, walked right down the hall and directly out the front door.

00oo00

Except that he had no plan of where to go or what he was going to do. The buzz of chemicals working inside of him was fading fast and his paralyzing fear was wrapping its dark hands around him once more. He stood outside of his house for a mere moment thinking that maybe he was being ludicrous, when he finally figured that going back inside would accomplish nothing. So he headed down to the last place he had; the beach.

Sinking his toes into the sand was comforting. The moon was out. His phone was vibrating in his pocket. His mother wasn't stopping with her calls but he had no intention of talking to her. He appreciated her like no other for making an attempt to stand up for him. But he couldn't help but think of her lack of full acceptance and how it frustrated him to no end.

Sitting there on the beach, he thought of a lot of things. He thought of what he was supposed to do and what all of this meant and that his father was an absolutely horrible man. He also thought of those ringing words he had been told not long ago; _maybe this isn't the place for you._

And without dwelling on those words, he finally brushed the sand off his pants and set off for the train station. Luckily it was the weekend; the trains ran later on the weekends.

00oo00

Even once he was on the train he had no idea where he was going to go. There were few other people on the train and he picked a seat furthest away from them all. He felt like they were all staring at him and he'd look up every once in a while only to find them minding their own business or nodding off.

His hands were still shaking. His legs bounced anxiously and he knew that if he was a person who showed what they were feeling, he'd probably be shedding a few tears at the moment.

But hey, he was gone, right? He was away from that tiny islands of perfect tradition and the world was set out before him; he could go anywhere and be anything.

But there were new issues.

He left home without really thinking things out. Despite the money he had, he needed to find a place to sleep. Food to eat. Not to mention he completely abandoned school. What the hell was he thinking? He should have found some place on the island to stay.

At the same time it was like a huge breath of fresh air to be away from there.

"_Next stop is Twilight Town. Departing passengers, please ensure that you have all personal belongings before exiting the train."_

And that robotic voice that chimed above was like a voice drifting down from the heavens. Because Twilight Town was a place he was familiar with. Because there was one person there that he could rely on.

Sora would never turn on him.

00oo00

After arriving in Twilight Town, Riku had wandered about before finding a small motel to stay in. He'd finally swallowed everything he was feeling and answered his mother's call. He remained collected and answered her with a stony formality that wasn't anything like a son talking to his mother. She was obviously distraught and sounded like she had been run through but Riku held very little sympathy. He had thanked her for her concern and asked her to help him arrange things so that he could transfer to Twilight Town's local high school so he could finish the year.

"Riku, surely you can't stay out there all alone."

He stared ahead at the stained motel wallpaper unblinkingly as his father's ultimatum replayed in his head. "I don't think I have a choice. It's pretty unlikely dad will turn around."

The woman sighed tiredly. "Couldn't you live on the island at least? Find a place to live here."

Her words made his stomach boil. That was her solution? Be close but not too close? Would she even suggest he come back home at all? "Just help me out a little. It's the least you can do, right? I'll find a way to take care of myself."

In the end she agreed and decided to take care of his school transferring. Meanwhile Riku set out into town, moseying about and poking around shops. He needed a job. If he was going to take care of himself, he needed to earn money somehow. But it seemed that all the local places were already filled with young workers who probably wouldn't appreciate some foreign kid stalking in on their territory. Twilight Town was much larger than Destiny Islands, but there still seemed to be an air around this place as though everyone knew everyone else's business.

The locales were friendly, though, and waved and smiled in greeting as he strolled the sidewalks. There were many family-run businesses that were surprisingly busy for a Monday morning. He stopped short when he noticed a glorious little sign in the corner of one shop; _Help Wanted._ He glanced up, noticing the place was a computer repair shop and shrugged; it couldn't hurt to make an attempt, right?

He stepped into the shop where a classic bell rang as it was pushed by the door. The place was empty of customers and fairly small with shelves of computers parts and broken laptops. At the front counter was a man who appeared to be tall though he was sitting. A pair of glasses sat low on his nose as he was leaning forward over a laptop, examining its underside. The man didn't seem to notice that anyone had entered his shop but with a polite, "Excuse me," from Riku, his head jumped up and long brown hair swung in front of his eyes.

Pushing his bangs back, the man jumped up, "What can I do for you?" he asked in some accent that convinced Riku he wasn't from around here.

Feeling his heart beating wildly in his throat, Riku leaned forward against the counter. "I see you're looking for some extra help?"

The man eyed Riku carefully then slipped his glasses off. He wasn't all that much older than himself, Riku noted. "What do you know about computers?" he inquired.

Riku smirked. "Enough. I'm a fast learner, too, if that helps." He took care of his own laptop for years and leaned plenty from messing around with it and obtaining a bit of knowledge from Google. Too bad his computer wasn't something he slipped into his bag before leaving home.

Again the man eyed him curiously before saying, "How about you come on back with me and we'll talk."

It wasn't a solid yes, but at the moment it was all he could hope for.

00oo00

Settling into the town wasn't too hard. He was beyond lucky to find a place that wasn't a motel. It was small, it wasn't the most comfortable place, but it was a place to stay and for a decent price given that it was furnished. He was also beyond lucky that the guy at the computer store took him under his wing and he was given working hours. It was a tricky situation but after explaining everything and promising that he would have himself sorted out ASAP, he was handed some papers to fill out and asked to drop by the following day to get a run through of the shop and to meet the other guys who worked there.

His mom was a saver as she had gotten everything set up for him as far as school went. "Have you found a place to stay?" She sounded uncomfortable and she was talking in a rather quiet voice. Riku guessed his father was around.

"It's not home, but it's a place that's not a park bench." He could picture his mother pursing her lips. "It's just a small apartment. I got a job too, so I'll be okay."

She didn't say anything for the longest time and he was a bit concerned that she might have hung up. "That's good," she finally spoke. She didn't sound convinced.

00oo00

He started school the following Monday. He spent his morning in the office making sure everything was straightened out and getting his schedule that he had worked out with his new adviser the week before. He was set for classes and ready to finish his last school year in a place he'd never been before.

The nerves were creeping up on him. He just couldn't seem to escape them.

He was sure this would be a difficult school year but at least he wouldn't have to return here if this year turned out to be absolutely abysmal. He was a senior; he just needed to pass his classes and get out. He didn't need to make friends, that wasn't the goal.

He was, however, curious to find Sora. He knew his long-time friend was in school here, but the school was larger than the one back at the islands. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to find Sora here anyways. They weren't in the same grade, so they wouldn't have classes together.

He'd been at school for two hours already. He'd missed his first period class when he was in the office but he'd made it to his second period English class. Third period was math. In both of the classes he'd attended, he'd suffered through being introduced then gawked at like a caged lion. He hated the whispers that roamed but he refused to be affected. He'd sat diligently and did his best to pay attention, take notes and find where the class was lesson wise compared to where he left off at the islands.

Being in the hallway gave him mixed feelings; he could blend in with the crowd between classes but there was a larger crowd that would stare and point. Why was high school so much like a zoo, anyways?

Riku stood before the new locker assigned to him and sighed. He already missed how everyone at his old school let him be. He entered his locker combination and lifted the latch. His locker stuck a bit (finally, something just like back home) before finally giving way and opening. He stashed his new math book inside and frowned at the empty space he had no intention of filling with personal items. Taking in a breath he hoped would calm himself, he shut the locked door again and shifted his backpack that was slung over one shoulder.

"Riku!"

He didn't even have time to turn fast enough before something full out tackled him. He lost his footing and stumbled backwards while at the same time momentum from the collision caused them to spin. Whoever was latched to him slammed hard into the lockers and Riku's immediate action was to grab hold of the person to steady them. A groan reached his ears and he glanced down to find a head of spiky brunet hair fall back to rest against the lockers. Arms were attached around his torso, holding him tightly as though they were afraid he might just disappear. "Please tell me you're real," the voice said and Riku felt that wonderful fluttering and heated warmth spreading from his chest to every inch of his body. Without a care he folded himself around that small frame that he had missed for so many years.

"Good to see you too, Sora." Those beautiful blue eyes shined while looking up at him and a smile that stretched from ear to ear made his own smile grown just a bit. Every ounce of his anxiety melted away, replaced by relief and complete rapture. Hugging Sora close, Riku felt for the first time in so long that everything really would be okay.

00oo00

**Complete! This is officially finished and now I have other projects that need attending to. Thanks for reading, everyone and reviews are greatly appreciated (they get my writing mojo working).**


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